Taking Minutes

Our perception of time is really weird. You are supposed to put little kids in time out for only the amount of minutes that they have in years. Either because they view time as a percentage of their life or because their bitty heart beat faster, a toddler experiences two minutes as I might spend 24. There is geologic time where we are supposed to imagine human beings immerging right before the clock strikes midnight New Year’s Eve of a year that begins with world’s creation, difficult. Then, there’s the time that flies when you’re having fun or crawls when you are in a waiting room. There are the school years that always seem to go by so fast or web pages that seem to take hours to load. We fail to accept that time just passes at one pace as always, minute by minute, year by year.

My Peace Corps island friends and I are the worst at acknowledging this. We talk about the changing velocity of our service, the fraction that went so quickly it almost didn’t happen, the months that dragged, and of course, how much time we have left here. Does seven and a half months or 34 weeks sound shorter? We chat about all the movies we have been missing and where we will rent them from because word has it, video stores have met their fate, huh? In the midst of a discussion of buying a new wardrobe, I look at my stuff and daydream about giving away everything but what fits in a backpack and saying teary goodbyes. Right, seven and a half months and I am pinpointing the logistics of leaving. My Dominican friends make it less easy, already hashing the details of the much anticipated December and asking me why I am leaving and when I will be coming back. It is like we are constantly rewinding and fast-forwarding our life movies or rather hitting skip on the DVD.

Constantly looking forward and backward is a common vice but part of it is just good planning. Worrying about the type of computer I want is pointless but applying to grad school is fine preparation. Remembering comments about my horrible Spanish when I arrived is not so necessary. Remembering the sweet stuff is probably a good thing! For everyone, there is value in attempting to stay in the present to enjoy or at least feel some of what is actually happening. It would be silly if we are numbing ourselves with preoccupation!

Whether I count in months or seconds, I am nearing the end of my service, trying to focus the important stuff. The kids in my community and I will be doing the things I think are cool. We will learn where Africa is, write letters to Haiti, and read to smaller kids. We will use the time I’m here so that I don’t have to look back and pine. I will do my best not to put blinders on pack my bags right now. Hard as it may be, I will try not to fill my hours making lists of what TV series I will rent, U.S. landmarks I will see and food I will eat. Because I’m here, I should actually be here. I hope this badly worded mantra sticks!